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the shaolin woodenmen endured yet another lan party in milwaukee.
haywire, fatbastard, gamera, fukamalkajkla(esa), rezzy and i brought
systems. void, and tom showed without systems, and enjoyed the
atmosphere of gibbing while not playing on other people's systems. rhino
and leper both claimed they would bring their systems and failed. leper
played for a bit, some half-life, which is gould while rhino failed to
play any lan games a-tall. abm might be dead, or he might be mulling
over the monthly cd's that i sent him about 2 weeks ago, either way he
didn't show. please don't both saying you're coming/bring you're system
to a lan unless you're sure you can. it breaks my heart and i feel
cheated when you say you are and then you don't.
we played quake, half-life, quake3a and a small bit of zdoom, which
may be buggy or i may have set it up improperly, in any case it failed
with more than 2 players. i took the quake game on friday night, more or
less hands down. haywire and i battled it out in half-life the first
night, with haywire winning several times. gamera caused some problems
in hl saturday night. gamera still refuses to play quake... i'm hoping
we can make a compromise by playing quake 2, which littlemute refuses to
play. he'll play quake if we all play a little quake2... swm unite! we
where unable to organize any team play games, due to a lack of 6 systems
up and running / people motivated enough to get shit rolling. i thought
that possibly next month we could play some quake/quake2 ctf... email me
samo37@yahoo.com with suggestions
on team play fps'ers so i can get moving on how to set up the games.
console gaming was pursued late friday night to the wee hours of
the morning by fatbastard, void, and myself. i earned the title of
super tobalman(only because i did not have to face okyo and
littlemute)... then it was onto samurai showdown 4 and kof97... i
started to beat people down in ss4 and then i did so so in kof97... i
suffered a severe burn attack in kof97 from void. void has also be
taking lan pictures which will eventually find a home woodenmen.org.
here's the list of champs coming so far to the best of my knowledge:
1. me
2. matrix (i have to pick him up cuz he's in college now, chasing women and shit)
3. rhino
4. rezzy
5. void
6. leper? ...
7. mute/okyo/sharky (for like 15-18 minutes)
no word from haywire, abm, or gamera... last i heard haywire thought there was a small
chance he could come for a gibb bath.
i'm picking up fatbastard around 630 at carol college, so we should be at mute's by 730
tonight! mrak!
i personally can't believe that the "democratic" chess team lasted 20 moves
with kasparov. it's pretty much a given that any decision the average plebian votes on is
going to turn out all wrong. this is why, by the internet vote a few months back, jesus h.
christ is time's man of the century. granted, a comparison of average iq's between the
voters for his holiness on time's internet democratic failure to the people voting on the
world chess team is probably close to 150 points, but this still doesn't explain how chess
by commitee is able to stay on track against the planet's best chess player.
maybe democracy does work, you just have to chop out anyone with less than 120 iq?
anyway, if you'd like to see the present board here's the link. i'm no master, and am not going to hazard a
guess as to who will come out on top. material is even, board position from my intuition
looks a little bit in favor of the world team.
ok, since i'm not going to be there it's important that you all behave. be careful of
meeeshkga, no smoking in the house, raise up the toilet lid when you are taking a piss.
no humping in the basement.
i do. i do. once a month i drag all this crap from madison to milwaukee for the express
purpose of gibbing some shaolin woodenmen. do you? have you ever? do you plan 3 weeks in
advance for the monthly lan? if you don't put your god damn lead shoes on fucker. get a
calendar and mark the fucking lan parties off for the next 12 months!
now to address some issues the shaolin woodenmen have experienced. once you have turned
your back on the swm what's the point of ever coming back? you should just show up at a
lan with your god damn computer if you want back in, and get the fucking crap beaten out
of you. if you still want to lan after a good physical beating, so be it.
i had one on reserve for 10$ at eb, but i called them an told them i didn't want it. at
199$, plus the price of the game, there had better damn well be a killer app available.
even the "great for two weeks" power stone wasn't out today, and a slap in the
face to all true fighting game players, king of fighters: dreammatch '99 did not come out
on the release day.
sorry sega, but i think this situation requires prudence on the consumers part and
better launch titles on yours.
what's going to happen is that sales of the dc are not going to be as high as expected
and those that bought the system are not going to be able to get the best games for it
here in the usa going forward. like the saturn, they're going to end up with a flagging
system in the us, that some gamers who mod thier machine to play imports will dearly love
for those quirky japanese games that will never see space on a rack at eb.
unless we see some really killer apps (buriki one for instance) on the horizon (capcom
has a few in developement that look amazing), i would wait until the price drops to 99$.
tobal 2 anyone?
a couple of tomes have been fliped through in the last few weeks that are rather
interesting light reading. one even has pictures for people that just open books for that
reason.
raw deal, by ken smith. a group of tales dealing with people's misfortunes brought on
by other people's fortunes. blast books
the redneck manifesto, by jim goad. how hicks became the american social scapegoat.
another british developement house's take on 1920's mobster strategy. this time it's
going for a what seems to be a humorous sim city style affair. alas, this will probably be
another failure, but it looks intriguing where 99% of games released look as intriguing as
a momma's family rerun during ratings week.
here's a link to the site for the game.
just read the promo quote, anything i could say about this wouldn't come close.
"wu-tang: shaolin style is the multiplayer arena fighting game with an urban/kung
fu vibe. featuring one of the most influential rap groups of our time, wu-tang: shaolin
style challenges you to battle as one of nine shaolin warriors to advance as in ancient
chinese tradition through the 36 skill chambers of martial arts. story: the secret wu-tang
discipline is a source of almighty power. a power so coveted, it has long been protected
by the ancient chinese sensei xin for the good of all mankind. but when an evil master
kidnaps the sensei in an attempt to combine the secret discipline with his own sinister
energy, the wu-tang clan must step in!"
will we be able to play as old dirty bastard or method man? what will they say in the
game? ghetto style sexual inuendos and obscure marijuana references perhaps?
if this isn't an indication of the twilight of the playstation, i don't know what is. a
game of tobal 2 anyone?
sk2 has just been released from the bowels of the gaming industry. as tedious as the
first one was, the rts style and depth had a certain draw to it that may make this a
worthy purchase.
the problem with rts games at present is that the boards, the game play areas, are
simply not big enough to support the grand strategy game-play that is in style recently.
let's face it, in an rts, you constantly pump units out, keep them protected until you
send them into a hella rush at the enemy. all rts is a variation of this theme when there
is building and fighting on the same game play area.
unfortunately, this is terrible both for realism and for a fun game. for example: you
have a brace of knights. they go off and hack at some of the enemy. one dies. in the time
it takes them to move across the board and attack, you have produced another brace of
knights. and you can send this second brace into the same battle that the first two
started! in reality, how long does it take to make a knight? well, for the sake of
arguement, say one suit of armour takes one blacksmith one month to make, plus a sword and
shield, then say a knight can be trained to fight, attack from horseback, control a horse
in battle and put on armour in one year (doubtful). this would mean that even a small
battle in most rts games takes over two years to finish!
and don't think for a moment that the current crop of sequels (sk2 included) will solve
this time and temperature abuse. i watched a nebbish at gencon sweep the board of age of
empires 2 with 50 cannon in a big mass, just moving across the screen killing anything
that got near. how many cannon did henry v have at the siege of calais? two? three?
absolutely terrible. until computers are able to create game play areas that are at
least 2 miles square should developers even bother to put the strategy/building parts in.
until that point these games are just a suspension of disbelief that most of us just can't
uphold.
sometimes, a choice of lifestyle we make has certain bonuses that we don't necessarily
expect when we make that choice. for gamera, his choice of quitting his day job and
going back to school has allowed him the added perk of being the first wm to finish ja2.
both littlemute and ukyo thought this honor would definately go to one of them, but
alas this was not to be.
from what we've read about the game, it appears that, compared to meduna, the rest of
the country is just a warm-up. look for a review soon in the wm reveiws section of
probably the second best pc game ever made, jagged alliance 2.
well five days into this no-carb diet and i'm still fat. last night my run to the
lake to do stairs was a catastrophe. my endurance was shot and i felt like one of
those old men that runs in silly baby steps that you desperately want to stop and say:
"just walk old man!" sweating, greasy skin, lame-brained (no sugar!),
weak; is this how i want to spend the next two weeks?
the next big task that need to be addressed on the site is the clan bios. coming
soon.
yes, i am fat. not too bad, just about 7-10 pounds overwieght, but for someone used to
being completely skinny, this is inexcusable.
so instead of straight excersize, i made the mistake of following one of rhino's low
carb diets and let me tell you it's no picnic. first, nothing you can eat has any flavor
at all. sure meat has a little, and eggs a wee bit but generally we're talking
concordinant opposition on the taste scale. secondly, after a lan weekend of sucking down
cokes and eating cakes and pies, going completely without any sugar is damn hard, let
alone the brutal magic of caffine.
i bet it's a failure anyway...
reiterating keneda's statements about last weekends lan, it was great! thanks to
everyone that made it. i personally hope that the monthly cd's include interesting
material that people enjoy.
it was a hoot to be able to play doom on the lan. and after playing doom, and then
quake 3, it's obvious that id is trying to get the feel of doom into that game.
as for quake 3, that lightning weapon really isn't very good. the effects block so much
of the screen that you can't keep a bead long enough on a player to do a lot of damage.
with a weapon like that the beam should stick a little bit. the plasma gun, even with the
fixed clipping on the damage effect, is still a really lame weapon.
the gibbes are nice, but the upcoming sof from raven software is really going to put
all gibbes of the past (well maybe not quake's) to shame.
all in all, i'm incredibly suprised at how good the newest build of quake 3 actually
it. it's fast as shit and a lot of fun. will it top quake's gentle charms and sexy gibbes?
we'll see...
blood shot eyes, sore fingers, sore backsides, carple tunnel syndrome and the
rest. since it's still the midst of the lan, we'll thank everyone that showed up by
name when it's done.
to be sure, keneda has been causing terrible problems for everyone in quake, doom,
quake 3 and halflife. with frag limits of 40, some of the levels still only lasted
2-3 minutes. btw, we have been forced to reasses our earlier condemnation of quake
3. the new build has vastly increased the speed and although the feel of the combat
is still less intimate than quake, it's becoming promising. the server crashes
after a level about half the time so they have a lot of work to do as of yet. and
goddamn, still no appearance of the grenade launcher.... they remove that and give us the
pure-ass plasma gun? meh!
i was wondering as i served beautiful lipstick lesbians, handsome bull dykes and
zit-faced gender bending patchouli girls mgd light and wine coolers, what were the chances
of a straight guy scoring on account of the lilith fair? how would a man go about
this without compromising masculinity?
first off, go to the little memorabilia booth and get one of those girl power temporary
tattoos. secondly, use the women's bathroom and explain when you are asked that all
the bathrooms at the event are women's or unisex. make sure you stand way back from
the toilet or urinal so if a female happens to look in your direction, she's bound to
glance at your member.
whenever talking to girls on site, make sure to mention your bi-curious nature.
but under no circumstances state that you are homosexual. for some reason, i didn't
notice a single nance the whole evening and i can only assume is simply not a queer guy
scene. if you were looking for boys, would you go to an all girl band rock show?
no way!
also, speak highly of the women's movement. don't mention anything about the hippies
turned yuppies squandering much of the empowerment the 60's women's movement secured;
trading liberation from male social structures for grass and methanphetamines, later suv's
and suburban homes.
with this advice, do you have a chance? i would have to say no. the competition is just
too confusing. you have about 20% chance that you'll hit on a girl that has no interest in
the male gender whatsoever. this is probably closer to 50% since a lot of girls, caught up
in the power of the lilith fair, will be going dyke for a night. even if you do happen to
hit on a hetero, there's quite possibly no way you'll be able to cut through the ideology,
slice through the patchouli and gouge through the rhetoric to get the girl in the sack.
this impossibility is exacerbated by the fact that all the bars ran out of both red and
white wine coolers early in the evening, putting a damper on the chance that any given
female will be intoxicated.
i'd hazard a guess that out of the 300 or so men that attended last night's lilith
fair, 4 of them got laid.
all of them masturbated.
the site is slowly taking shape. real life™ intrusions, including the fleeting
summer, have made progress slow but be confident that we are sure!
the neo geo pocket color is a whole lotta fighting game fun. the sounds are
great. the graphics are splendid and my original bewilderment about the system only
having two buttons has been fully allayed by hours wasted playing samurai shodown 2.
the ngpc is proving just another way snk can hurt my poor little hands.
hello? can i do this right? are you able to read this? mmmmrraaakkkk!!!!
it's abject irony that one minute i would want to torture and murder the ghetto trash
that stole and totalled my beautiful 1987 pontiac boneville and the next minute i would
like to shake their hands and thank them for allowing me to triple the amount of money i
paid for the machine.
unfortunately, the boneville died a virgin, with none of it's owners bumping uglies in
the back seat. for this, i am truely sorry.
damage incured
crushed left front quarter panel
broken rear window
punched trunk
smashed right rear quarter panel
$100 cd player in trunk stolen
back seat ripped out
3 tires missing
florida gator magnet stolen
the ghetto trash even left thier wrench and screwdrivers in the glovebox.
fatties. we came, we saw, we filmed them wandering about the con.
compared to last year, the wm really didn't appear much at gencon. rhino went for one
day, as did gamera and keneda.
hi. if you're reading this, you're seeing a beta version of the site. let
us know how you love it or despise it. the site is built to be modular so changes to
style are relatively easy anyway.
most of the wm in the wi area will probably be at gencon for most of the weekend.
as always, meet at the tsr castle at random times to find people in the clan.
for fist players, check the second floor of the hilton as there are bound to be a
few freaks there who have seen us. i'll be wearing my assistant den leader shirt so
i won't be hard to spot.
friday night at the times cinema (50th and vilet street) is the fortuitous showing of
troma's own "blood sucking freaks." i'm sure it will more than entertain
those brave enough to brave wawautosa after midnight...
still older news!!
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